Mostly this had been a bit of a feel good blog. It has traced the ways that quitting smoking has been easier than I had imagined; it has analyzed some of the lucky habits I developed before quitting that were a significant help to me. But I'm no Pollyanna and I promised you the truth in this blog. The truth is: sometimes it sucks -- deeply, thoroughly, and wholeheartedly sucks.
There is so much significant suckage when you quit smoking that it's hard to know where to start. So, let's start with the big one: gaining weight. It is a fact, and if you're not prepared for that fact then you're seriously damaging your chances of success. I was only partly prepared for it (you'll sense my bitterness over this as the post progresses), but I'm still persuaded that quitting was worth it. After all, I can easily begin the gradual plan to take the weight off (I'm big on the gradual plan). Still, right now, I'm coming to the sad and inevitable conclusion that I was no exception to the rule. I am not special. I am not exceptional. In this regard, I am brutally normal. And that truth sucks.
Now, perhaps you're one of those one-in-a-thousand freaks who doesn't gain weight when they quit smoking. If that's you, please go back to your gym-bunny life and feel as smug as you like. We're all happy for you (not). For the rest of us though, the truth hurts. My weight gain has pushed significantly into the double digits (with no plateau in sight). I now have only spotty access to most of my favourite pants. Sure this is partly an issue of vanity, but it's also an issue of economics. I can't afford to outfit myself in a new professional wardrobe a size or two larger. Or at least that's what I tell myself when i can't stand my own vanity for another moment.
There are both physical and behavioural reasons for gaining weight when you quit smoking. The physical reason is the lack of nicotine in your system. Removing the constant stimulant from your body simply slows everything down. There's nothing you can do about that except try to speed it up again with exercise. If everything else remains identical, you will gain weight when you quit smoking because of this.
But everything else doesn't exactly remain identical. I was seized by the munchies when I quit smoking. Not hunger, not a desire for hand-to-mouth action as I had read about elsewhere, but serious, full scale munchies. True munchie connoisseurs understand that munchies are not about eating, they are about chewing -- about feeling the never ending flavour and texture of something not just in your mouth but between your teeth. There is no satisfaction quite like the feeling when your teeth actually itch. I was prepared for hunger and habit, but who can resist a full-on onslaught of the munchies?
I made a deal with myself that for the first week or so after I quit I could eat whatever I wanted. Anything to push me over the hump was going to be fine by me. Unfortunately, I ended up at Costco a mere two days after quitting. Aisle upon aisle of bulk candy, in massive quantities, of every type. I've managed to block out much of the bulk eating I did in order to satisfy my munchies. What I can tell you with certainty though is that I left Costco that day with a box of Mentos (containing 24 individual rolls) and two 1 kg bags of dried mangoes.
I think they lasted a week.
I have since branched out though, into such treats as Smartfood (I think I'm averaging a half bag a day), scotch mints (a kilo bag, gone in about 4 days), chocolate bars (too numerous to count), and endless pots of yogurt when I'm trying to be "good." When I run out of snack food, I turn to cereal, or toast and jam, or even, in desperation, entire boxes of crackers. I laugh at the suggestion of healthy snacks. Crunchy carrots? Seriously? Do you think my munchies are that stupid?
This has now been going on for 2 months and something will need to give. I keep hearing George Clooney's voice from Up in the Air saying "I have a number in mind but I haven't reached it yet." Well, I have a number in mind and I have surpassed it. (It shouldn't surprise you to learn that I'm writing this with a butterscotch sucker in my mouth.)
I have no strategy but patience to deal with this particular phenomenon. So far, the munchies have outsmarted me. I don't have enough willpower to watch what I eat, or to dedicate myself to getting enough exercise to make a difference. Sorry hips, but my willpower is otherwise occupied. It sucks, but you'll just have to get used it.
One day, hopefully sooner rather than later, I'll get as fed up with the snacking as I did with the smoking and I'll make it stop. In the meantime though, I did resist the giant bucket of Cow's toffees when I was at Costco last week. Sure, I bought two more kilos of mangoes, but it's progress right?
